I read a Voltaire quote today – “writing is painting of the voice.” I am really letting the quote sink in right now. All artistic endeavors are important ones, just as important as your knowledge and know-how in any field. If we do not have that outlet to express ourselves, everything just builds up and we become empty.
I enjoy most forms of art actually. I like to write, I like to paint, I like to draw, I like to sing, I like to dance, I like to play music. The only one that I don’t necessarily prefer is drama/theater. I am not saying I am good at all those things, hell, I’m not saying I’m good at any of them! But, I do them all when I need to as my outlet.
Writing is the one that comes easiest to me. It is something I can do more discreetly then most other things and I can do it pretty much anywhere. When I started writing my book, it was because I needed to finally get some things out of me. When I found a way to make it come together, it was due to a major event in my life and the words just started flowing. When I decided it needed to be for the world to read, it became something different to me.
It is interesting how having an audience changes how you feel about your works, about your outlets, about your artistic endeavors. I wanted to start writing more often publically to help market myself but it is much different writing for the world to see then it is writing for myself. I find myself being too much like I am in public, more reserved in what I say, thinking too hard about how to word things and what might be interesting for someone else. It causes major writer’s block for me.
I am trying to work through it. I came across it in my book as well, when I decided it was not just for myself anymore I found myself holding back some details and not fully explaining my true feelings about certain events. It is just another obstacle for me to overcome for myself, though. I have always considered myself a writer but I have always been reserved as well.
When people have read my writings that were not meant for anyone to see, it hurt. Every time. I felt betrayed and attacked. I have never been a big sharer of feelings so when I get it out for myself and someone disrespects that, I end up reserving myself even more. My writings become less honest when that person may have access again to what I say for myself. My outlet shuts and I have to find a way to store everything inside myself. And now I am trying to write more publically, to share more and to open myself up to the world.
It has been an interesting journey for myself. I am enjoying the struggle and the learning and the obstacles and I hope if I continue, I can overcome. I have two more book ideas already. Once I opened the flood gates, it has not stopped. I wish I could just take some time off and focus solely on writing with how much I want to get out of my head now. All these ideas are just swimming around waiting, as patiently as possible, to have their opportunity to be shared.
It is hard for me to be patient with these kinds of things. When I get these ideas, when I get started on something, when I want something, it has to be now. I have started being on Twitter more, I started a Facebook page to help promote myself, I use Instagram now and I am trying to keep up with the blog now but I do not seem to be doing it right because I don’t have a big following anywhere yet!
That’s okay. I am a writer and I am happy with my work. I have always done it for myself first, I just have higher hopes this time. It will always be my personal journey. I would like to teach myself how to do fiction one day, but for now, it is all me. I will keep writing whether people end up reading my work or not. I will be just as satisfied with what comes out of my head with one sale as I will with one million. One million may get me the time to get everything out of my head though! J